January 28th
10:24 AM
10:24 AM
October 21st
12:32 AM
12:32 AM
My best friend and I?
How could i ever begin to explain. We have zero chemistry, and sometimes i can’t stand her. She’s prettier than me in so many ways. She’s stronger, she’s nicer, she’s smarter. She’s just perfect and so that made me annoyed in so many levels.
I met her when we were both 8. I mistook her name for something else because of her nametag. We became friends a year later, but it was only when we were 10 that we became best friends. And now we’re almost 16, as strong as ever.
She gets prettier every day, and stronger. She’s taller than me, and she really has what it takes to be a model. Among the both of us, i’m usually the mean one. I was even mean to her. I said things i shouldn’t have said, i make her feel miserable, i teased her, i was always sarcastic. i was just horrible.
And i have the feeling that she likes to keep a distance from me. I can sense her discomfort around me. She avoids me sometimes. Whenever i say mean things to her, she wold look at me in a very sad and disappointing way.
We get into fights a lot.
But whenever she says sorry, i can’t help but to forgive her because i can’t simply live without her.
A few days ago, she finally told me about her problems at home that happened since 2 or 3 years ago. I was even angrier at her because she kept it a secret and didn’t tell me. I was her best friend after all.
But whatever happens, i’m always going to be there for her. Even if i act mean and sarcastic, it doesn’t mean i don’t care for her. She’s like my Serena Van Der Woodsen.
She’s so strong.
I love her to death, always and always.
October 19th
11:05 PM
11:05 PM
To - My (used-to-be) dear king.
I was your queen, do you remember?
You said so yourself.
Rewinding time, let’s begin in 2008. The year i got to know you. You came so suddenly, so dashingly, with your little eyes and big smile. You were new. Everyone loved you. The teachers praised you, the guys wanted to be you, the girls wanted to know you. You were flawless.
Since you were too smart, the teachers placed you in my class. You sat in front of me. You were quiet. Everyone was a little too scared to approach you. I said hi, and we got to know each other.
We got closer, and closer. I got your number, and i’m very sorry for giving it to my girl friends. Soon, everyone knew your number. I’m very sorry for that. We talked, and talked and talked. We laughed, and laughed and laughed.
You called me your queen. A queen needs a king.
But end of the year, i left for Japan. But my heart was always there. Always with you. Every f***ing day, i waited for you to be online. Sometimes you were, sometimes you weren’t. 5 and a half months, i waited for something to happen. Just anything. But nothing happened.
It was okay. I endured it.
I was back again in 2009. You were there too. We never really talked, did we? What happened?
It’s 2011 now. Almost 2012.
I asked you who your heart belonged to now. You just shrugged. You didn’t want me to know. Why? Were you trying not to hurt my feelings?
Weeks later, you told me that you liked her. The same girl every other guy left me for. Honestly, i was disappointed. I didn’t mind you liking anyone else. But her? Come on, you can do more than that.
Then you told me she rejected you. I wanted to laugh.
Maybe then i realized that it wasn’t the right time for me to be jealous. I was just a little annoyed. Annoyed with you.
“Are we friends?” I asked you yesterday.
“Yeah. Why?”
“It just doesnt bloody look that way. But if you say so, then fine.”
Few minutes later, i wrote a status saying “Lol, what made you think we’re friends?”
and you liked it.
Today, you left again. You left somewhere with her.
Am i mad? I don’t know. I just can’t bloody seem to give a f*** anymore.
Asshole.
10:51 PM
Kau bukan milikku.
It’s strange how you get to know a person without realizing that you’ll fall for that person on accident. I remember exactly how i met him and why i met him. Interesting, really. We weren’t even friends in the first place, not even after a few days of knowing him. I knew that even if i wanted to fall for him, i wouldn’t and i couldn’t. i just couldn’t.
As we grew closer, i began to enjoy his company - a little too much. I got addicted in talking to him. He was fascinating, he was funny, he was mean, he was full of emotions, he was brotherly, he was smart, he was kind, he was charming, he was unlike many others.
Day by day, i think i fell for him even more. But we will never work, and i’m okay with that. I’m okay knowing that he has his heart with someone else, and even if he didn’t, i still couldn’t be with him. No. And honestly, i’m fine. I don’t mind , the fact that we could not work. It’s fine. I’m just happy for him.
He’s a lovely man.
10:44 PM
Positively Negative.
Have you ever felt so lonely in your life?
I’m having that feelings right now. When your friends wish you would stay away from them. You feel as if you didn’t belong. You weren’t one of them. You were just a piece of decoration. Your friends have their own friends.
It’s stupid really, that i’m feeling this way. Left out. They’ve been gone for a few hours now, probably enjoying themselves, and i’m left here at home, writing about how much fun they’re having without me.
Well, my classmates invited me to go have fun somewhere else but i just didn’t feel like going. I told them i couldn’t go because my mom wouldn’t let. I feel ashamed of myself for lying to them.
